I'm sad to say there's only a thin line between friendship and a relationship, and sometimes if you're not careful you could end up on the wrong side. The stories are common. You know how it goes. People start hanging out and getting along. You like the same food. They dig on the same obscure and random Rock band from the seventies that you love but no one else ever gets. You guys can do anything together. What a great friend. Everything seems all good, but there's a catch. Its usually your own fault for trying to ignore the obvious the whole time, but that friend, that person you thought was safe is becoming increasingly more attractive. Each time you hang out your fantasies, or I mean, the thoughts that go through your head as you contemplate the awkward silence as you two watch the love scene in Mr. and Mrs. Smith , start getting more and more elaborate.
Now this is where the line comes into play because the line has intricate dynamics. One party is surely becoming attracted to the other. There are four potential scenarios that could play out , which are each in turn associated with an emotional response, some good, some bad, which could in part if not wholly determine the fate of your "friendship".
As you two sit there awkward, with a feeling of not knowing what to do as the people on the TV screen indulge in sado-masochistic eroticism, inner will is manifest physically and the moment of truth comes and you attempt to make a move on the other person. This is where the line comes in. Its right there and yes you have just crossed the point of no return. As you advance and wait for a response, you've laid it all out. You've taken that chance. What if they reject you? What if they don't think of you like that? What if you end up being "nice"? Or worst of all what if they end up wanting a, dare I say It?? RELATIONSHIP???? Or the shoe could be on the other foot. What if you're not feeling them like that, and they tried to make a move on you? Have you ever had a friend that liked you and you knew it but they weren't sure if you knew it, so you acted like you didn't know so that you didn't have to be the bad guy and crush their dreams.
The best and worst fate I feel can come when you both develop a mutual attraction and act on it. Its all bad when you do act then you can't agree what side of the line you two now reside. Are you still just Friends? Now only with benefits? It has been 90 days? But in all reality It's more than that. Maybe you weren't looking for a relationship and now its weird when you hang out. Now you've lost a good friend. Just to clarify I'm not knocking relationships that develop from relationships I'm merely attempting to be aware of the intricacies which effect a relationship. Mutual attraction developed within the framework of a good friendship can lead to the most fulfilling of relationships, but we've all heard Aaliyah's one in a million.
A lot of people maintain all kinds of relationships, but the factor that remains consistent is the line. How people navigate the line and situate themselves accordingly there upon is key to a healthy relationship. You have to know where you stand in the big scheme of things, and where ever you stand, make sure you communicate. Make your demands known. Be clear in your objective, And most of all be honest with yourself and others.
8 comments:
Your post is straight money. It was truly interesting and kept me reading throughout most of the passage. This is a subject that I am constantly battling. I am tired of just meeting girls a parties, getting down and than not even getting their name, let alone their number. You give some good advice and it is sincere.
From Tony
Well said, and so true. If you cross the line going back may be impossible. Whether actions between friends are regrettable or not, it still changes the dynamics of the relationship. Same reason it is near impossible for a romantic relationship to evolve into a friendship. For me personally, I don't want send an ex off with a high five to her next date. No thanks.
Reading this blog is reiterating what people everywhere are going through. It is helpful to know that others are in the same predicaments. This could be a place for people to get honest feed back to relationship questions. By the people for the people (in your words).
Little advice I wish I knew years ago. Flowers should only be for surprises for a cherished someone. DO NOT use them as a sorry for fucking up. If you do, flowers will just translate to bad news. Every time she gets them she will wonder if you did something wrong. So don't misuse the potential power of flowers. Don't use them often either, or they will lose their spunk.
The thin line between a friendship and a relationship is most definitely something that most of us have experienced one time, or another. And when it happens, actions definitely speak louder than words. Your description of having that particular friend you thought was safe all of a sudden becoming increasingly more attractive definitely happens. The best thing to do is rationalize and not be a fool. Destroying a friendship is not worth it, since there is no going back to the innocence of the friendship. This is a risky game that people play, some will win and many will loose.
Mr. B,
After reading your post I just confirm my own belief that women and men cannot be "just friends."
My favorite quote from Samantha, a character from Sex and the city, not to mention my alter ego, she explains this the best, she says, "Women are for friendship, men are for fucking." A little blunt but you know...
Anyway, I'm practicing this new thing or philosophy, the law of attraction. Interesting enough, it's working! Maybe if I practice visualizing men as friends the universe will give me one?
Take care and enjoy your spring break!
YFJ,
Josie
B-
I've been thinking about this...
I changed my mind, men and women can be friends there just has to be a huge age difference between them. But even with the huge age difference, both sexes always imagine what it would be like if they were closer in age.
Being sexually attracted to a man or woman or both is just natural. And if you invest the energy into whatever you want or don't want, the universe hears that energy and you manifests this and get what you want... when the universe lines you up!
feel me?
well I'll see you in class or whenever the universe allows.
Ps. I love my inner hippy!
YFJ,
Josie
Interesting post. This is often a difficult area to be in. I've stumbled into it without thinking about it first with a long time girlfriend whose appearently happy with another guy, leaving me a reject. I wanted to go from friendship to relationship with her but failed badly. Your blog has given me a better insight on what to do with the girl you meet and want to be with. I just don't want to make the same mistakes when meeting someone else.
Love stinks. And still I follow my nose.
Maybe I just need to get Mr. Fantano to take me along to some parties.
Wow!
You have an honest and interesting point of view.
I completely agree with Caleb. He makes an excellent point about the flowers. I was receiving gifts from my boyfriend every time he did something wrong.
But don't get me wrong; this girl loves diamonds and chocolate, but gifts are not the way to solve problems.
This slideshow on the Maxim website, shows the seven animals, more desperate for sex than men.
A helpful tip:
I would suggest you break up your long paragraph into smaller sentences. It'll be helpful to the reader.
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